Integrity

Personal Integrity, I never gave it much thought, as it is difficult enough to get by on my own, never mind worry about how I come across to others. Its quite liberating to say to one’s self “I don’t care what you think about me” and to go about life free of judgment, however there is a fine line between lifting social anxiety and smothering one’s self in egocentric selfishness. I have seen the path of “healing oneself” trample loved ones on the way, and I wonder how heightened spiritual awareness becomes an excuse for treating others as only by-products of one’s life. Quite often friends become secondary characters placed on the earth for the sole purpose of teaching the “enlightened” one lessons. Although freeing oneself from the personal drama that enslaves us does produce ample amounts of growth, it’s dangerously self centered and borderline narcissistic when “I” devalues “we”.

On the opposite end of the spectrum are the grace giving martyrs who place
universal love and devotion before personal well-being, giving forgiveness before understanding, all in the name of some supreme being. “We”becomes more valuable than “I” and quite often “I” is unable to survive by itself. However, it is a lot easier to place a codependent personality in the hands of mindless theology, where one is not responsible for facing any form of direct confrontation. “I forgive you so I don’t have to hold you accountable and while I give you mercy, I am at your mercy). Whenever I think of this dynamic I picture a small, frail person in a row boat, facing a storm but rather than row as fast as possible out of danger, he or she drops the oars to pray for safety.

Then there are those who have spent many of hours on a couch, and can recite psychological scripture forbade. Freud unlocks the mysteries to one’s manipulative, unhealthy actions, and links the inner drive to childhood experiences. Somehow, an action occurring in the present doesn’t have to be owned, if a parent, teacher, or sibling bought it decades ago. Although psychology helps us understand the hows and whys of our own personal development, ownership for those actions must take place somewhere to complete the learning model. What we learn in a counseling session can teach us about ourselves, how we work and communicate with others, but those lesson are never an excuse for the patterns we are responsible for breaking now.

I believe that the reason personal integrity is so difficult to achieve is that it is the very phrase that holds us accountable for our own actions. How many times do we take ownership for our words, and actions? How many times do we truly feel like we have control over our feelings, emotions, thoughts and life? We as humans seek control every day in our relationships, during work, while driving, in phone conversations and yet the last person we try to control our ourselves. Ironically, if we were able to take responsibility for ourselves, our lives would almost instantly fall into place.

I would like to end this article with an excerpt from the Buddhist Noble Eightfold Path to Enlightenment. It gives an outline of the steps needed in order to better personal integrity and in turn, better oneself.

1. Right View-Enhance one’s mind, explore ones world, gain wisdom
2. Right Intention- means resistance to the pull of desire, resistance to feelings of anger and aversion not to think or act cruelly, violently, or aggressively, and to develop compassion
3. Right Speech-not to tell deliberate lies, abstain from slanderous speech and not to use words maliciously against others, abstain from harsh words that offend or hurt others, abstain from idle chatter that lacks purpose or depth, speak friendly, warm, and gently and to talk only when necessary
4. Right Action-Take responsibility for one’s actions, refrain from committing wrongdoings
5. Right Livelihood- Choose a profession that supports one’s spiritual path, choose a noble profession
6. Right Effort-Mental energy is the force behind right effort. The same type of energy that fuels, envy, aggression, and violence can on the other side fuel self-discipline, honesty, benevolence, and kindness. Make the effort to choose the latter.
7. Right Mindfulness-Get control of ones emotions. It is the mental ability to see things as they are, with clear consciousness
8. Right Concentration- Controlling one’s own life through meditation and positive mindset.

Life Manifested by Self Actualization

The greatest repression we can experience are the limitations we place upon ourselves. This being true, the drama in our lives can best be described as a play in which the plot, the charcters and the props are directed by a person's own need for spiritual growth and experience. Within our soul's paradigm, life is balanced by what we put out into the universe and by that which we take. A conversion of energy perhaps is the actual drive that empowers our motives in life. The universe contains an infinite amount of energy, waiting to be called upon in times of need. Unaware of this though, we steal this energy from others using numerous control tactics. The stealing and retrieving of this life force creates the dramas in our lives.

If I take the time to make myself aware of my own tactics, then my need for manipulation is rendered useless. It takes more energy to derive energy from others, than to learn to supply my own. Without the need for drama, I free myself from my own repression. If I have the power to control where this energy is manifested and supplied, is it possible to say that I could control where this energy is directed?For example, if I wanted an apartment, that according to the real estate would cost double that which I can afford; my mind instantly pipes in "you cannot afford it, its impossible". However, my mind only sees according to the logic of reality, but what is reality? Is what I see not based on what I experience? If I experience money to be unobtainable, then this becomes a difficult situation for me. Someone else on the other hand could have what seems and endless supply of money, and therefore money is more obtainable and less of a stressor. Our realities are relative. The same theaory can be applied to releationships, careers, etc. Realitivity is forever changing. We place limitations on ourselves based on reasons that are interchangable. They are not real. Question Reality.


The dramas around this realm utilize our energy. We place energy in fear, in power struggles with ourselves and with others. We put energy into everything but a positive and healthy movement upward. I believe that we are in a time where more people are becoming "aware". We are aware that our own power struggles are nothing but a black hole for self pity and destruction. We are realizing that we are able to separate ourselves from the controls in our lives and consequently within ourselves. Life is becoming not an existence based on limitations preset in fate, but rather than existance, we ourselves are responsible for manifesting. Life manifested by self actualization.


I believe a lot of depression and anxiety exists because of the unconsciousness realization that we are not living up to our human potential. Whats more, is that perhaps we haven't taken enough time and thought to really getting to know ourselves and what our potential really is. We are species ruled and imprisoned by emotions. The choices we make in life, are enslaved to the fear and needs we feel, rather than guided by them. Our dreams have been built around "someday". "Someday I will be rich", "someday I will have what I want", "someday I will find love", "someday i will be happy". What we fail to realize is the beauty and perfection in the very existance we live in each and every day. Right now we are rich in with life, right now we have everything we want at our fingertips of manifestation, right now we are love, and with this relization, how could we not be happy?

The miracle of life is that lessons we encounter in life never break us, but rather empower us to become closer to our souls purpose. Look for patterns within your own life, learn to listen to your heart and remember with your soul. Remember that we are all one, in that the world as a whole, is living the same lessons, just at different times. We are all connected. If we all take the time to step away from the dramas of our lives, we can see the big picture, and connect to a lifesource greater than that of our egos. Sacrifice the ego for the life of mankind, and raise the consciousness. Remember who you are.

Faith in Hillsides

During the early weeks of October, I began working at a Catholic School nestled within the foothills of Malibu. Lustrous greens blanketed the area in the most exquisite scenery that at times my own glimpse of them left me breathless. One particular morning, as the noon sun was inching its way across the open hills, and a few flycatchers were prancing upon Clematis, an intense sense of warmth and happiness came over me. In a way I suppose I felt a significant closeness to what I can only refer to as God.

Now I have always been very spiritual, however my own search for growth has taken me down a more philosophical road. While on one hand I feel that it is difficult to not seek out some higher being during times of obstacles and moments of triumph, my other hand simply sees religion as a mindless following. So as I stood there, facing my own doctrine of belief, I couldn’t help but see that the hills represented times of trouble, the colors unison, and the unknowingness of impending natural disaster, trust. I was confident that I had surpassed the mindset of thousands of years, and in return unlocked the mysteries of faith.



However, as I stood before my chapel, I began to feel resentment, for placed in the middle of the gorgeous scenery before me, was a titanium, man-made cross. Was it possible that we as people still needed a large symbol of faith placed right in front of us, when the complexity and synchrony of the earth, lie in perfect proportion? How ironic that such a contraption be embedded in this alter, preventing the continual of life, in its path.


That night the Santa Ana winds spilled into the canyon thus causing a whirlwind of danger. Sparks ignited, and soon Malibu canyon was ignited with tremendous flames. With so much life painted on the hills, the fire fed until the hills were blackened with death. Upon return to the school weeks later, after all the debris was removed, all that could be seen for miles were dirt, ash and one tall, standing, untouched cross.

Now the perplexity of moments like this can only be explained within each, individual experience, and perhaps never within one’s own spoken word. For spoken word in translation fails to capture the intensity of that exact moment when our own minds cannot comprehend the event without chills crawling up our spine. Nonetheless, my argument about God was burned down, and all that prevailed was ten feet of titanium.

Months later, donations have rebuilt the majority of homes, firefighters have lined the hills with sandbags, and seed has been laid out on the hillsides. Suddenly, it was beginning to be understood, that the hills and cross were interchangeable, that religion was in fact man made, like the cross. The design of the hills, the ocean, and life were formed by some higher being (whether that higher being be creationism, independent design, or evolution), but were nonetheless kept alive by the memories and vision of human existence. We as people are living models of that which can be found within the bible, and subsequently religious books around the world. For the hills will rise again so to speak, but the vision of them always remains in the heart. The cross was not an intrusion of man, but rather a reminder that it is the love, devotion and acceptance of people that lives on through destruction and stands tall.


The symbolism within this event probably seems trivial at best, but the perplexity of the residual lesson within my own heart has become conclusive. With the progression of knowledge, and the expansion of consciousness, religion seems rather medieval, when war and politics sit alongside and hierarchy are valued over individual growth and love. Like a mother who tells their son they cannot play with the neighborhood children because they are foreign, rules are instilled based on fears.
However, as our own knowledge progresses from a parent like obedience based on unoriginal thought, to an adolescent strive for independence and self proclaimed knowledge, identity is born. It is within this identity that I am hopeful that the trend to reject religion is only proof that the consciousness is indeed “growing up”.
For right here, within the foothills of Malibu, stands a perfect micro model of what makes up the foundation of religion as we know it. Hate can tear apart, superficiality can lead astray, and fire can destroy, but we as people always find a way to come together and rise again. And it doesn’t matter that right now, churches are closing their doors to the GLBT community, because we will continue to expand our minds and hearts until the rest of the world catches up. It is important to remember that churches will continue to exist all over the place, in the foothills of mountain landscape, sunsets over oceans, embraces of loved ones, and reunions of families, all with a cross standing tall somewhere in the horizon.